Veteran actress Anita Kanwal made an emotional revelation about battling self-doubt, feeling “useless” and struggling with the lack of meaningful work despite spending over four decades in the entertainment industry.Speaking to Siddharth Kannan in a recent interview, the actress opened up about her personal and professional struggles, including raising two children as a single mother while juggling 13 television shows at one point in her career.
‘I suffer from self-doubt’
During the conversation, Anita admitted that being forgotten by the industry deeply hurts her.“Does it hurt? A lot. A lot. It brings me sometimes to a very… I would say… even to the extent of maybe self-destruction,” she said.The actress further shared that she recently questioned her purpose in life and career.“Just two-three days back I was telling my daughter — ‘Why am I living? What am I giving to the society? What am I giving to my craft?’ I have given so much. I have done every type of role. I have proved myself. I have got awards. Then is it me or is it the industry that is to blame? I don’t know,” Anita said emotionally.Talking about ageing in the entertainment industry, she added, “Yes I have aged, but I am not asking to be cast as a 12-year-old or a 13-year-old. I want to be cast as a 70-year-old. If Meryl Streep can get a role at 76 and there are other actresses who are my age who are doing a lot of work, then why not me?”
‘I just feel so useless’
When asked if she felt suicidal at times, Anita clarified that while she has never thought of ending her life, she often feels emotionally exhausted.“I just feel so useless. I won’t say suicidal but I just pray at times that God just take me if you don’t have anything meaningful for me to do in this world. I don’t want to just hang around,” she confessed.The actress also reflected on her dedication towards work, recalling a painful incident from her mother’s final days.“My mother was dying. The doctor had given her a few hours. And I went to shoot. The doctors were calling. I tried to call the producer, he did not answer. I tried to call the production. They sent another scene. They said, ‘You have to do this scene and then go.’ I actually did that scene and then I left,” she revealed.“That is the kind of dedication I have. Nobody else would have done it,” Anita added.
‘I had no Godfather’
Anita also looked back at her early struggles in the industry and said she entered showbiz without any backing.“I came from Delhi. I had no Godfather and I was not ready to compromise. All I had was self-confidence,” she said.The actress shared that she moved to Mumbai with her children while simultaneously managing her father’s medical treatment.“At one point, I was doing 13 shows at one time,” she recalled.
Anita Kanwal on auditions and rejection
Speaking about the changing casting culture, Anita revealed that she still goes for auditions but often feels disheartened by the process.“Today after 45 years, when I am asked to audition and then get rejected, you can imagine what it does to me,” she said.She also recalled giving a sharp response during one of her auditions when asked to introduce herself.“I said, ‘I am Anita Kanwal and I have been acting since before most of the people watching this were even born,’” she shared with a laugh.
